Goodbye 2010

I'd been listening to Pink Floyd albums.....when this song started...
This's the only one on my VLC loop now....

---LOST FOR WORDS---

I was spending my time in the doldrums
I was caught in a cauldron of hate
I felt persecuted and paralyzed
I thought that everything else would just wait

While you are wasting your time on your enemies
Engulfed in a fever of spite
Beyond your tunnel vision reality fades
Like shadows into the night

To martyr yourself to caution
Is not going to help at all
Cz there'll be no safety in numbers
When the right one walks out of the door
Can you see your days blighted by darkness?
Is it true you beat your fists on the floor?
Stuck in a world of isolation
While the ivy grows over the door

So I open my door to my enemies
And I ask could we wipe the slate clean
But they tell me to please go fuck myself
You know you just can't win

---THE END---

Even being a huge fan of them, I don't think I can reconcile easily with my "enemies"
which takes me back to well a lot of unsettled issues and the "fever of spite" minus the malice plus a lot of anger.

Family Ties

Among things that can be called a natural human tendency, gossip beats them all. Actually, family gossip beats all!

My recent trip to my Chacha's marriage and brother's engagement bear a testimony to that!

It's never taught to us, for example, how to start a gossip or which topic to choose.
It's just something that flows out incessantly once the one who knows "stuff" remembers that they know new "stuff". One thing leads to another and we have set the gossip ball rolling and we all know it continues till either there's something more interesting capable enough to gain that extra momentum needed to take the limelight away from it's older rival or either party leaves! That sometimes leaves the remaining thinking and wondering and yet again "discussing" about the matter!


Be it lunch or dinner or breakfast or even relaxing time, we know what relaxes us the most.

Enter and Exit

When you reach an impasse, that's when you're doomed.
I fear the same with me.

In a time of no denial(and I mean that), what upsets me is lack of something....or may be somethings....

It's the craving of getting back to who you were in the first place while trying to trace back all the hell that made you reach where you are....some take me by surprise, some by anger(hell lot actually), some reminding that sometimes, however cautious you may be, it's just too soon to invest your energies somewhere.....

There's an ever conflicting self that never dies(thankfully) but makes you realize that as unexpected as it was, in moments of fragilities and vulnerabilities, circuit of your brain is the most impressionable...whether it kept shouting in your brain alerting you but you let your vulnerabilities subjugate it is another story...point is you did what you wouldn't have in a decent state of mind...

Not that I regret any of it but it seems that things around need more time to shape up than we think it may need to shape AND bake...
It's strange how life works...you may take years to know someone and they may turn out to be totally untrue to what you'd known them for and there are times when unexpectedly things fall into place...

I have always felt something innocent about befriending strangers...no Tom,Dick, Harry obviously..but sometimes you can tell who...it's a matter of chance...you'll realize to go far or not..

Somewhere I am so fucking bored of the faces that I truly and utterly despise, the sugar coated personalities and God knows how many volcanoes erupt in my head every time I think of each one in the lot....

I can't help thinking of many lame, stinky, pretentious relationships around me....
With strangers atleast you can hope for a fresh start even if it turns out to be the same crap in the end..

Rules of the game change and before you know it so has the team.
Good riddance!!
:)

Not a Deja vu....

As I leave today for Lucknow, to my Nani's place(kind of the story of every summer vacation)..I realise a part of me doesn't wanna leave Jaipur.

Yesterday, as I strolled through the markets I thought I am really gonna miss all this.... miss strolling the streets(like I do that a lot..but atleast I can when I feel like!) and Mc D (obviously there's one in Lucknow too) but the thing is it's Jaipur's Mc Ds that I am damn used too now....I know exactly where the entry and exit doors lie...what's the seating arrangement like...which spot I'd like to choose to sit....and I KNOW WHAT I'LL ORDER!!
:)

Yesterday only, I wanted to eat something....something well inexplicable...(except roti, daal ofcourse!!) but something....that'd be tasty, may be spicy or salty or sweet......can't describe...but something....
While we were at Sodhani Sweets, I wanted to have that moti choor ka orange laddu(which I never would eat too much ever when it paid a visit to my house), then that "mawa" that I love, this khoye ki barfi with that sugar coating on it, wanted to try a small gulab jamun and small rasgulla all that lay drenched in chashni under the lid in those big bowls..was thinking if the shopkeeper would let me take 1 piece of each sweetmeat...:)

I wanted to eat "besan ka something"...which I did :)
and I wanted to eat that namkeen that I like but hadn't had it for a very long time but wanted to right there and then....
Wanted to have lassi(with malai....yummmmm), kachori (pyaaz wali).....and Kanji's naariyal barfi...that white one....:)...so soft and just awesome!!(the barfi obviously)!

As if the world would end the next day and this is my last and only chance to have what I want to....
In Mc D these days, strawberry shake's not available sadly and that felt bad too may be because I remember Lucknow Mc Ds don't offer shakes!

I wanted to try every new lounge in the city, every new restaurant, every new hang out spot.....
just do it all in one go.....wanted to have LMB's vanilla ice-cream....yummm!!
It's weird and happening kinda for the first time....
and all "feelings" related to food...
may be I am falling in love with Jaipur..hahaha...it's high time now!!
:D
or may be I am just a petu!!
A TOTAL FOODIE who knows it'll be somedays before I get to resume my "old" eating habits again!
:)

Engineering-Phase II

Came out of the devil's mouth and heading towards the same.....

After having a hard time preparing for the engineering entrance exams and facing the enormous pressure ( nah, not of studies), of obeying rules formulated by you don't even know who - a complete bunch of frustrated strangers (oh ya, seniors... now, even I am one..but not necessarily all of them have this trait) who believe in the stereotypical methods of interacting with the new faces called ofcourse the juniors and being expected to act like "juniors", whatever that means, in first year; one enters the II year with some hope of survival because they are "seniors" now......

Taking charge (of their lives, yeah sure!!)of activities in college, most turn into coordinators of events with the juniors following.."Sir!!.....", "Mam.....!!" unlike the first year, when it was like we are the new blood, not much aware of the surroundings, not much aware of the processes, so better to see than stay in something, a college event for example.

Expected to act like "freshers", listen to seniors, however, this's the lot that's involvement is most sought after in college events because they'll be carrying the legacy forward. But when you don't interact much or have certain fear interacting, you'll be told things like "Don't be afraid. We won't eat or beat you up!!" Ya ya....Well we all have heard that in our college life and a very good chance that the posterity will too.

Pulling through this, here comes the II year.....woho...juniors!!!
Some say WOW!! (you know why!!! ;)), some can't wait to venge their last year's "trauma" (Even we'll impose rules...blabla.....blablabla)and some are just unperturbed!!

A lot has changed for many by this time....people who found bunking obnoxious, can't live without it(I am one classic example of this!!! ;)). Those, for whom duality eventually won over singularity, can be seen guiding the beginners in these lessons.
Amidst all this, the following thought goes in and out like a fluctuating lamp in some minds and in the ones it doesn't- College ki hawa lag gayi hai and it has no cure!!!!

"Studies.....that used to be something.....I have changed so much....Not anymore....that's it....I am getting back to studies now....
(tring tring).....or (vibrate vibrate, depending on the profile of your phone).........

or may be after I chat with my friend.........;)
[1 hr. later]
I am feeeling tired and sleepy.......from tomorrow...back to studies. For now, I want to sleep.....[yawwwwnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]".

If this were a computer program, I'd have put the above "..." text in a function called ummm....void Procrastination() or may be void The_four_years_of_college life() and void because this function doesn't return anything constructive!!!

Becoming the junior most seniors is no easy thing.....thinking of which demon- placement, MBA, M.Tech, Civil Services (can think of a few more if you haven't fainted yet), would you prefer and why and why not the other one....drives people crazy and please don't be surprised at this. It's been our life for long enough to not make us wonder at these "burdens" but still squeeze out all the fun that lies anywhere near us in any form!!!
Cheerios
;)

WHAT A RIDE SIRJI !!

"Kya tumhe pata hai ae gulshan, mere dilbar aane wale hai....Kaliyan na bichana raahon me, hum dil ko bichane wale hai....."
"Hum wo aashiq nahi jo deewaro me chun jatein hai, lakh kar le sitam ae zamane hum na kabhi......
Ishq raha hai, ishq rahega....ishq se naata na todenge......."

That's so NOT my taste..it's just a glimpse of the torture you can be subjected to when you miss the college bus!!
With me, it's been many times with no significant improvement in me to get ready well in time!!
I don't think the "lal dabba" [a red city bus] plays such noxious songs, but then who knows...till I experienced it, I never thought the whilte dabba would!!

They don't play it everytime but I guess when the driver gets bored and just wants to listen to songs he turns on the TORMENTING MONSTER!!
Quite strangely though, these set of buses play the same tracks when they don't play the radio [I am assuming it wasn't radio because 1. There was no commentary between songs (ok, I agree there can be three back to back songs but they give this add after each that it is the back to back thingy going on, on ofcourse their pyara channel...and 2. I don't think any radio channel, not even VIVIDH BHARTI would dare to play such songs..and in case they did, they're DOOMED!!!!)]

Anyway, it's not just the blaring that makes it unbearable...there's sitting space for umm...25-30 maximum, say...and there's a hell lot of space in the center of the bus.....to stand!!
It's about optimization at it's worst atleast for the people who are sitting and later mainly for the ones standing!!

As I sit in the bus, occupying the last inches of viewable seat, we head forward to take in new passengers and well there's space to stand without suffocating anyone....we move forward again and enter more!!
At each stop, hailed by the conductor of the bus who's till now inside the bus, obviously there is not just one passenger but a swarm of them waiting to get into this already growing hive with no air and even less space....

As this gluing to any tangible and rigid part of the bus continues, we have reached a state where
people have apparently reached the door of the bus (stairs are unoccupied still) and the visuals available to the passengers are the faces of their fellows and if you happen to be sitting, you are blessed as you can look at people(take my word, not worth it!!) or turn your neck around and admire the world outside through the window against your back!!

And here comes another stop!! And the stairs have vanished. Passengers are hanging to the handle of the bus door as if to take the bus down (I kind of see it coming...the packed buses always appear tilted by some angle to me).....and Oh yes, there's someone at the rear end of the bus......THE CONDUCTOR!!
Inside, someone steps on my foot...Hey Mr. It's my foot!! [*******] All this goes in my head as I draw it back to a safe position that's not so easy to find...

If you're a regular passenger who travels standing, you better be friends with some inexpensive Doctor. It'll help you in the long run when you need your arched body to be treated....When there are so many people in a confined space, it's better you squeeze into a corner(lal dabba has such a corner); the more exposed you are.....well there'll be more people than you could possibly think of.....

What I witness now, is a classic example of unity in diversity. When the brakes are applied, people from all walks of life jerk forward in unison. When in motion, they "vibrate" at the same rate...face in face...foot on foot or juxtaposed....heads close together, bodies fevicolled together....clinging onto each other...What a spectacle!!

When it's my turn to get off the bus, that's a long process too as my college is far away and in that distance you know very well what has happened. So, I get off my seat....and there are people wanting to grab the empty spot....I don't care obviously:)
What's on my mind is how in the world am I going to get past these human obstacles who can though respond to "excuse me" but where the hell's the space??!! So, as the bus stops, some people get off to make space...oh I see some space (:))....and the stairs..and the ground finally...least interested in the faces ofcourse!!
Finally, I have reached.
What a ride, sirji!!!

Interestingly, these buses take the route under the flyovers that make our city modern....it connects the city that still lives under them, the slums, vegetable shops, clothes' thelas that we are not interested in which is very evident in the "long journey of buses because they take this path" conversations, to the world that we care to take notice of...
Reaching these remote areas that we have become oblivious of, no doubt it's the common man's transport !!

Happy Valentine's Day

Exactly one month later, I am here to say Happy Valentine's day.
Have fun everyone..
and I'll have fun preparing for my exams!!
:(

;)
Bye.

Wishes to all

Just here to say, Happy Lohri and Makar Sakranti to all.

I am not a punjabi, so did not know much about how Lohri is celebrated, except for the fact that it is celebrated until yesterday, when I went to Raja Park!!

People made bonfires near their houses, on the chaurahas and the main one in front of Hanuman Dhaba had a huge one with the D.J playing fultu panjabi songs and people dancing happily around the fire in its warmth.

Interstingly, as I observed, the unburnt piles had kite(s) placed carefully on them...I wondered what that could be for!!

I certainly don't seem to be much aware of why is the festival celebrated and what else is done. But, with music on and people dancing, it's certainly about spreading happiness as every festival is.

Just reminds me, that these are things that one would not really find in any other country and hence also brings upon us a responsibility to respect the integrity of each community and encourage it by being a part of the fun and frolic each festival brings with it.

Because, fun and happiness don't and should not have a communal stamp on them.
;)

It's the way you touch..

TOUCH is an interesting....well, feeling to begin with, and concept as it has become today.

From a friend's affectionate touch in distress, to a lover's touch (you can imagine what you want to. I am not good at this!!!), to a tormenting touch....to our daily life i.e even our daily routines comprise of touches.
Basically, touch percolates down our life's bed touching evrything we do!!
It's interesting how a gesture has manifested itself today in various forms. e.g touch technology or Haptics!! It's amazing how the human mind has been able to connect the digital and the real world, thus making it more fun, all thanks to touch!!!

But, talking about us, students in colleges, ''touch'' is insanely interesting.

So, what do we do when exams are round the corner???
Chat with friends and tell them that we haven't "touched" the books!!
And ask them, how much have they touched the syllabus!!!
Next, when the results are to be declared, what do we pray for???
"God please, help me touch passing marks...puhllzzzzzz".
And then, all of this's done and we're free again, what do we do??
Well, need I say??
Thinking about the hottie/handsome in the class/college(wherever) and ya some insanes certainly go mad if they get to shake hands with them or talk to them!!!
And you can define your style of touch in your way here ;)
No messing!! :)
And what about the silent conversations between people sitting in the canteen???
You got it!! Eye to eye and heart to heart-yet another touch-well, not physical. Abstract yet beautiful!!

If you have any funny "touch"ing instances , do share.
:)
A very Happy New Year to all!!
:)